Chaos…. complete disorder and confusion.
I feel like my life always been chaotic.. When I was being born I tried climbing back up my moms birth canal causing an emergency c-section and that is how I entered the world. Quite the entrance and if you know me, you know that I have been making waves ever since then. I feel like a normal introduction to a blog is boring, but then again I want you to really know me.. the raw, real me.
I am a 31 year old single mom.. who literally is just taking life day by day. I started this blog to share my story and just be able to get my emotions and feelings out. My hope is that this reaches people who it needs to and people just genuinely enjoy the realness. I am not one to censor and I like to just tell it how it is. I have two beautiful kids who honestly saved my fucking life. In this blog I will probably go back and forth to where I was to where I am now. So lets start with the main focal point… How I became a single mom..
I became a mother at 23.. It was April of 2014… I will never forget talking to one of my best friends.. she was on vacation and saying how she was on her period her entire vacation.. Whelp.. we were always synced.. so that was my first sign… I told myself that if I did not get my period in two weeks I would take a test… Two weeks go by and there is no sign of anything.. I said I would take it the first thing in the morning.. April 11 comes and I wake up out of my sleep anxious… I immediately head to the bathroom and take the test, I have no idea the time, I just know that I need to know. A few minutes go by and immediately see the two lines.. I have never once been thrilled to find out I was pregnant.. I wake up my kids father out of his sleep.. crying, he wakes up so fucking startled.. it is kind of funny now. His eyes are so confused because I am a hot mess, crying when he asks me what is wrong.. “Im pregnant!” Again he looks confused and asks me what is wrong “IM FUCKING PREGNANT” We were in no place to have kids, shitty apartment, not making great money.. We thought we were in love… HA. I made him drive me to walmart.. what I thought was an early morning sure was.. 1 am.. 3 tests later… I realize I am for sure pregnant. That was the worst day of my life, with the most amazing outcome.
Now as I go into this blog if you are just going to be a judgmental asshole do not even continue reading this. I have made a lot of shitty life choices and I will be the first to admit that. So with that warning let me tell you about how I found I was pregnant with my second daughter.. I wanted birth control… My son was almost a year old.. it was time.. Appointment was made and the day had come to get Mirena.. To be honest I am actually really against birth control.. I hate how it made me feel.. but I felt like I should be responsible.. So I go into my appointment and just like normal I need to take a pregnancy test to be safe.. I am not worried about it, my sons not even a year yet.. I am not having another baby.. Whelp.. jokes on me.. My doctor comes out and asks me when my last period was.. Immediately I knew what was coming and I start bawling.. Now the reason why I say don’t judge me is two weeks prior to this I had just gotten a DUI. Yes dumb fucking move.. My kids dad and I were not even speaking at this moment. So here I am in the middle of the doctors office.. bawling my eyes out.. while they are trying to make me feel better saying maybe it is a false positive. I knew it wasn’t.. I just knew. So here I am 23, with a not even one year old, not speaking to my kids father, but we were “together”, living in a small apartment, just got a DUI, and now I am pregnant with child number 2.
I am not proud of when I brought kids into this world, honestly I never wanted kids. I can tell you thought that these kids saved my fucking life. And if you continue to learn my story, you will be amazed at where I was to where I am.
Now this is just the beginning to my story. This is just the start of the good and bad, highs and lows. It will be about my story from what I thought was going to be my the man I was going to spend my whole life with, to the insanely toxic, abusive relationship, and all leading to me being left alone to do this “parenting” thing. But it will be a story of the journey of a broken young woman to someone who fell in love with fitness, growth and embracing the chaos of life.
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